28 Hours Later

I generally consider myself to be a "public transportation" person.  I like taking the metro, the tram, the bus and walking places.  After the scars of last year's Eurolines incident, I didn't want to set foot in a coach bus for a while.  However, after the stupid volcano in Iceland forced the cancellation of my flight from Gdańsk, Poland to Paris, I was faced with a tough decision: hope that I'd be able to squeeze on to one of two other flights scheduled this week (which I quickly realized had about 0% of happening, especially as Poland kept its airspace closed, while other countries are reopening some flights) or face the music and book a coach bus home, a 28-hour journey (yeah, you read that right).

A 28-hour bus ride is no easy feat.  I quickly felt like the bus was Ivan Drago to my Rocky Balboa ("I must break you" in heavy Russian accent).  In realizing that I would likely lose my mind by the end, I kept a running tab of all the ridiculously awesome things that I experienced.  The following events all happened between 9:00am April 21, 2010 and 2:30pm April 22, 2010.  Enjoy.

9:10  Eurobus leaves Gdańsk, Poland on time bound for Legnica, Poland.  The trip is already starting off better than the Eurolines bus from last year, seeing as the coach actually, you know, showed up.

11:32  First baby starts crying.

12:38  First strong whiffs of bad B.O. start to drift back to my seat.

15:27  A nun boards the bus in full habit and sits next to me.  Sadly, her name is neither Sister Mary Clarence nor Delores Van Cartier.

15:28  Ridiculously bad Cedric the Entertainer film is shown (The Cleaner, I believe).  Even worse is the dubbing, which has one man reading all roles--male, female, child, elderly.  All of them.  My iPod comes out.

17:32  Ridiculously bad Steve Guttenberg Casper the Friendly Ghost sequel is shown.  iPod comes back out.

22:04  Change from old, regular bus in Legnica, Poland to new, shiny double decker bus bound for Nancy, France.

23:20  Realize that I'm halfway through my trip.  Realize that I'm only halfway through my trip.

00:00  Group of German teenagers on board start singing "Happy Birthday To You" in English to their friend Marco.

3:18  Woman sitting in front of me starts crawling in aisle and under my seat looking for something.  Presumably, the "one ring to rule them all/my precious" or maybe "Luuuuuuuuuuuuuucy!!!" (inside joke)

3:49  Someone's cell phone rings.  The ringtone?  A midi file of "Auld Lang Syne."  Hey, 2001 called.  They want their Nokia 5110 back.

6:23  Seatmate leaves!  Finally, I can stretch out and try to get some feeling back in my muscles.  Oh wait, I'm afraid they're stuck in full sitting position.

7:57  See a "Hartmann" tow truck fly past the bus on the autobahn.

9:40  Stuck in a traffic jam, right as "Shut Up and Drive" by Rihanna starts playing on the radio.

12:08  Driver gets lost in Saarlouis, Germany.  Do not pass "Go."  Do not collect $200.  Do add an extra hour on your total trip time.

14:22  Arrive in Nancy.  Consider kissing the ground.

Oh, the joys of international travel.  I don't really want to get in another coach bus for a few months.